By: Rabbi Ralph Tawil

Value: Staying focused on your goals. A very important skill and value, is to keep your goals in mind and to remain focused upon them—even when you are tempted with distractions. This skill is a value, because it allows us to achieve more effectively the goals that we choose. Setting and achieving goals leads to a full life, lived to achieve the maximum of what Hashem wants (provided the goals are in accordance with God’s will). The ability to remain focused on our goals is essential for the Torah-imbued person. Helping our children acquire this skill is especially important in our distraction-laden times.

Context and Background: Our perasha this week has Israel making the final preparations for their march to the Promised Land. Receiving the Torah and then observing it in Israel was the expressed goal of the Exodus. (The famous "four terms of redemption," symbolized by the Seder’s four cups of wine, actually culminates with a fifth term: "I will bring you into the land…I will give it to you as a possession, I am Hashem." Shemot 6:8)

We can hear Moshe’s exuberance as he describes the imminent entry into Israel to his father-in-law:

In the perasha we hear the trumpets sounding the blast for the march, we hear the words that Moshe would say as the Ark of the Covenant marched:

However, Israel had other things on its mind. It did not focus on the important goal, but on trivial distractions. The results were disastrous.

Discussion: It is important to set up the context for the children.

First, get them to understand the goal of the Exodus as entering the land. Do that by asking why was it so important to leave Egypt? (They might give partial answers, like slavery is hard, they were killing the Jews etc. Encourage them to think several steps ahead by prodding them with "and why was that important." Explain that the goal of leaving Egypt was to get the Torah and observe it in the land of Israel.

Imagine what it must have been like in the wilderness and describe that to your children. Describe the idea of eating the mahn every day, so that the children will have some idea of what motivated Israel to ask for a little variety. Ask your children how they would like to eat the same thing every day—even if they liked the food.

Ask: What would you say to the people who really wanted to have meat and couldn’t stand to eat the mahn ? (Let’s put up with this for a little while longer, we are after all, about to enter the land promised to our forefathers. Let us delay eating meat or pining after watermelon, onions and garlic, a little while longer.)

This request led to a crisis of leadership for Moshe. He complained to God about the Israel and God asked him to bring the seventy elders to help him. God also promised to give Israel meat (quail) every day for a month. However, many people died as a result of eating the quail. The terrible fate that met these people was immortalized in the name given to that place: Graves of Craving. Once this began, Israel did not get back on track and ultimately are denied going into the land for forty years.

Application: Individual

Israel’s uncontrolled cravings distracted them from their main goal of entering the land. They shifted focus from something very important to something much less important.

This can happen when we are not clear about our goals and why we want to achieve them. For example, the goal of homework is not clear to them. They could think about it as a way the teacher manages to punish them even outside the class. No wonder that our children are often distracted from doing homework. Help them understand the goal of homework is to benefit them. Homework should reinforce what is learned in class.

Lessen the power of the distraction to distract; rather, use it as an incentive. One way would be to use the distraction as a little self-reward after a significant part of the project was done.

Keep focused on the goal within relationships. When talking to our children, be clear of the goals we want to achieve with them and do not be distracted by venting our emotions. For example, we want to create an atmosphere of open communication with our teenage children. A constant attitude of criticism might feel like we are expressing our demands, yet it will probably not lead to the goal of open communication. Instead of criticizing, encourage your child to reflect upon goals and the best way to achieve them. Identify, along with your child, possible distractions before they come up and work upon strategies of dealing with them.

Application: Communal

What are some of the broader goals of the community and what are the ways to achieve them? How does the community sometimes get distracted from its overall goals?

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