An essential aspect of a mature approach to life is the value of delaying gratification. Such is the value that allows us to save up for important things in life (our children’s higher education, the down payment on a house or car). This value is one that allows us to deal with life’s issues in a reasoned way and not to succumb to the quick fix of letting our emotions run wild to the damage of our long-term objectives.

There are two examples of this in this week’s parasha, one on the financial plane and the other on the emotional.

1. Yosef’s plan to store the grain from the years of plenty to provide food for the leaner years.
2. Yosef’s plan to have his brothers atone for their treatment of him, in order to prepare the Children of Israel for their centuries-long stay in Misrayim.

We will focus on the first of these two examples because it can be discussed more easily. However, to a group that is aware of the traditional interpretation of Yosef’s actions, you could move the discussion to the qualities that Yosef displayed in not reacting immediately upon seeing his brothers, but instead waiting until he carried out his plan to have them atone.

The term "delaying gratification" that is very understandable to us, is usually not part of our young children’s vocabulary. (For older children, over 10 years old, I would introduce the term later on in the discussion, after the concept has been understood.) We have to translate the term into vocabulary that the children can understand, like: "Waiting for something good," or "having the patience to wait before enjoying." Translations of the term that you come with, knowing your children and their vocabulary, will be better than those suggested here. Spend some time thinking up ways of translating the term.

Pharaoh had two dreams of seven scrawny cows swallowing seven fat ones, and of seven skimpy stalks of wheat swallowing seven full stalks. Yosef interpreted the dreams as meaning that there would be seven years of plenty in the land of Misrayim, followed by seven years of famine. Upon giving this interpretation, Yosef continued to speak offering the following plan:

Review the plan. The best way to do this is to have the children say the plan or in their own words, or to have them make believe that they are Yosef and have to present the plan and the reasons for it to Pharaoh’s court. (You can make this into a fun game where some children play Yosef and others play courtiers who are not so easily convinced by the plan.)

Ask: what would have happened had Misrayim not carried out this plan? (The Egyptians would have consumed the food and lived in the abundance during the seven years of plenty and would have food for the seven lean years.)

Are there things that you want to save up for? What would happen if you spent your allowance (babysitting, gift etc,) money without saving it up?

Describe situations where you delayed gratification, saving up for something more important, while denying yourself short-term pleasures.

Yosef throughout the story had to restrain himself and not show the brothers how touched he was by them being there. Several times he had to go into another room to cry so that they would not know that he was their brother. He restrained his emotions to achieve his higher goal.

Many times we feel that we have to let our angry emotions out. Yet, there are times where expressing that emotion can have a detrimental effect on the relationship. We should use our reason to rein in our emotions.

This might be a good opportunity to bring up the issue of the Jewish attitude towards physical relations between men and women (of course, use your judgment as to whether this subject is appropriate in your particular situation). The Torah attitude is that the physical relationship between a man and woman is holy and therefore should only be engaged in when the couple has already made more durable, marital commitments to one another. After they have undergone Qiddushin ("Torah Engagement," literally "Sanctification") and Huppah. It might be very difficult for our children in our "charged" public environment to maintain the Torah’s standard of delaying gratification until marriage. There is pressure from all around to conform to the "loose" attitude that exists in western society. Our children should know that our position is the Torah position that there is no physical relationship allowed between men and woman until after marriage. Although resisting the pressure and restraining oneself takes a lot of strength, it is better, in the long run, to have a physical relationship only after marriage. The benefits and wisdom of the Torah’s approach should be pointed out.