Most of this week’s parasha takes place with Ya’aqob at the house of his Uncle Laban. The tricky and manipulative Laban definitely qualifies as a difficult person to live with. In our lives, there are situations where we have to deal with difficult people. It could be a store-clerk, an associate, a neighbor or friend, a teacher, or even the much more challenging situation of a family member. Are there things that we can learn from Ya’aqob and from Laban about what to do and not do when dealing with difficult people?

One way of spotting the scheming person is by noticing the way he speaks. Is he straightforward, or do his sentences have all kinds of convoluted constructions?

Notice the way that Laban agrees with Ya’aqob’s idea that he would work seven years for "Rahhel your youngest daughter" (the Rabbis point out that Ya’aqob was very specific knowing that Laban was less than honest.)

Laban could have answered with some version of "it’s a deal." Instead, he gives a twisting answer.

Ya’aqob should have suspected that Laban was up to something. His eventual tricking of Ya’aqob by giving him Leah instead of Rahhel was already foreshadowed in his noncommittal commitment.

How did Ya’aqob try to deal with Laban? One way was to be tricky with him as well. After Laban and Ya’aqob made a deal concerning Ya’aqob’s salary (that Ya’aqob would get all the brown lambs and all the spotted and banded goats) Ya’aqob used a shepherds’ trick (the peeled twigs in the troughs) to increase the number of those kind of animals (although the scientific basis of this process is doubtful).

Was it right for Ya’aqob to "trick" Laban in this way? (Perhaps, because Laban was trying to take advantage of him as well giving him the much rarer newborn animals as his salary. Laban also changed the conditions of the salary many times.)

Is Ya’aqob’s shepherds’ trick comparable to Laban’s deceit? What are the differences? (Laban absolutely deceived Ya’aqob, promising him one thing and giving him another. Ya’aqob used his knowledge to gain an advantage over Laban in the deal that he had made with him. Ya’aqob’s intention was always to keep to the deal.)

The rabbis (Yalkut Shimoni, Bereshit, section 125) tell us that when Ya’aqob gave gave Rahhel signs to ensure that he would not be deceived by Laban, Rahhel questioned whether it is proper for a righteous person to behave in such a way. Ya’aqob answered using the verse "with the perverse You are wily" (2 Samuel 22:27), that it is the way that God himself deals with the wicked. Yet even in giving Rahhel signs, Ya’aqob was merely protecting himself from deception and not deceiving Laban.

According to the Torah and the Rabbis, one is definitely allowed to use every means to protect oneself from deception.

Ya’aqob eventually flees from the situation with Laban. Is this the right way to deal with the situation? Laban pursued him and forced Ya’aqob into a very straightforward way of dealing with the situation—that of direct confrontation. After that, Ya’aqob and Laban make a covenant of non-aggression with each other.

Standing up openly and directly to the manipulating, even though that takes some courage, is a way of moving the relationship to a more real level.

Interestingly, Ya’aqob fled from Esav, rather than deal with that difficult relationship. Ya’aqob learned in Laban’s house that it is better to be open and directly confront the situation. This knowledge was what allowed him to reconcile with his brother Esav, the subject of the next week’s parasha.

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The following was taken from "Pagewise." It has some points that relate to the above discussion and is provided for those who would like a more in-depth treatment of the subject: