Shabbat-Table Talks: Parashat Vayishlah

By: Rabbi Ralph Tawil

 

Synopsis of the Parashat Vayishlah

  1. Ya’aqob sends messengers to his brother Esav
  2. He prays for God to deliver him from Esav and sends gifts with messengers
  3. As a result of Ya’aqob’s wrestling with a man, and overcoming him, his name was changed to Israel " for you have striven with beings divine and human and you have prevailed"
  4. Ya'aqob receives a warm welcome from Esav, introduces his family, and departs from his brother on good terms and heads for Shechem.
  5. The prince of the country, Shechem, seizes Dinah, daughter of Ya’aqob and Leah, and rapes her.
  6. Hamor, Shechem’s father, requests Dinah as a wife for Shechem. Dinah’s brothers tell Hamor and Shechem that in order to allow marriages between Ya’aqob’s family and the people of Shechem, all the males of the town would have to be circumcised.
  7. On the third day after the circumcision, while the men were in pain, Shimon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, slew all the males, as a punishment for Shechem’s treating Dinah as a prostitute.
  8. Ya'aqob goes to Bet El, fulfills his twenty-year old vow and builds an altar there. God promises him that he will be fruitful and that many nations will come from him. God also promises Ya’aqob the "land that was given to Abraham and Yishaq.
  9. Rachel dies in childbirth giving birth to her second son, Binyamin.
  10. Reuven’s impulsive action—sleeping with his father’s concubine.
  11. Isaac dies at the age of 180, buried by Esav and Ya’aqob.
  12. Three lists: Genealogy of Esav. The Seir family tree. The kings of Edom before there was a king of Israel.

 

Value: Sibling Relationships (first of two parts)

Those of us who are lucky enough to have a sibling know that occasionally, especially when we were younger, the relationship was not always rosy. At some point, we put aside our rivalries and reconciled our differences. Our children might be experiencing the throes of a sibling rivalry. By talking about Ya’aqob and Esav’s relationship and how it was resolved, and by talking about our own relationships with our sibling and how they were resolved, we can show our children, by example, how they can deal with some of the sibling relationship issues with which they are grappling.

Method: Read the text of the story of the resolution of the relationship of Ya’aqob and Esav. Talk about what brought about the hatred and what brought about the resolution. Talk about your childhood relationship with your sibling and how you resolved or deepened the relationship. What do you think about your brother or sister now, as adults? If you have the courage: Ask your children to describe something they like about their sibling. (No negativity allowed! The real negative feelings that could exist should be dealt with at another time. If someone starts to speak negatively about their sibling, suggest that you would like to talk about it with them privately and set a time: "How about us talking about Joey’s behavior tomorrow morning at 10:00?")

Text: Bereshit 33:1-17

Ya’aqob lifted up his eyes and saw: there was Esav coming, and with him, four hundred men!…And he bowed low to the ground seven times, until he had come close to him, to his brother.

Esav ran to meet him; he embraced him, flung himself upon his neck and kissed him. And they wept.

Ask: What do you think they were feeling at this point? (Happy to see each other after so many years.) [Here the children might bring up the rabbinic opinion that Esav was disingenuous in his show of emotions (i.e. that he was really coming to bite him etc.). We can teach our children that the Rabbis were speaking on another very important level of meaning, that of Midrash. What we are interested in this discussion is the straightforward reading of the Torah.]

After meeting Ya’aqob’s wives and children, Esav asks:

What to you is all this camp that I have met? He said: --to find favor in my lord’s eyes. Esav said: I have plenty, my brother, let what is yours remain yours.

Ya’aqob said: No, I pray! Pray, if I have found favor in your eyes, then take this gift from my hand. For I have, after all, seen your face, as one sees the face of God, and you have been gracious to me. Pray take my blessing that is brought to you, for God has shown me favor—for I have everything. And he pressed him, so he took it.

Ask: How can you see that it is very important to Ya’aqob that Esav should accept his gift? (He says, "I pray" many times. He insists upon Esav taking the gift.) Why do you think it was so important to him? (Feeling guilty. Wanted to make amends. Wanted to assuage any residual anger that his brother might be harboring.)

For careful listeners: How does Ya’aqob refer to his gift at first and then to what word does he switch it to make his point more clearly to Esav. (First, he calls it a gift then "my blessing." As if he wants to give Esav back the blessing that he took from him.)

Esav does not want to take the gift at first. Why not? Is he being mean-spirited or is there another reason? (Esav says: "I have plenty." He has the perspective that there is enough good to go around. Ya’aqob also shows this perspective when he says: "I have everything.") How can this perspective help in our relationships with our brothers or sisters? How can this perspective help with the relationships between nations?

After Esav accepts the gift, he proposes to Ya'aqob to travel together or to leave Ya’aqob some of his men. Ya’aqob politely refuses. All Ya’aqob wants is to: Find favor in my lord’s eyes." Esav and Ya’aqob part on good terms with Esav going to Se’ir and Ya’aqob to Sukkot.

For Further Discussion:

The Torah describes Yishaq’s burial: "Esav and Ya’aqob buried him." (Esav, the firstborn is mentioned first. According to the commentators, Ya’aqob showed Esav the respect due the firstborn. He no longer desired Esav’s position of being the firstborn, he was satisfied with the relationship that he had, being the heir of Yishaq who received the "blessings of Abraham" and the promise of the land.)