Shabbat Table Talks: Parashat Yitro
By: Rabbi Ralph Tawil
Value: The value of delegating responsibilities. This is a value that might be usually thought of in a business context, but could work in a family context as well. Involving the children in some of the responsibilities of the household can be a growth experience for the children when applied consistently. Identify the tasks that have to be done and divide the responsibilities. Even if at first the child doing the task is less competent than you might be, over time the child builds up competence and confidence in having done a good job.
[To a younger family the idea can be expressed as teamwork, cooperation. The idea that everyone working together can get jobs done faster and better. When we work together, we can do things that are impossible to do alone.]
The task might be something relating to the Shabbat preparation, like setting the Shabbat table, helping with the cooking, or shining dad’s shoes for Shabbat. This should be done even if (and especially if) there is a housekeeper in the house. (Having help in the house does not exempt us from teaching our children responsibility. Just because there is a housekeeper, it does not mean that our children do not have to learn responsibility.) Having to take part in keeping the house would make the children more appreciative of what is done as far as the house’s upkeep… And remember there are always those days when the housekeeper takes off.
Not delegating has a cost to the person in charge. He ends up taking on too much and not developing the competence of the people around him. He will not function as well in the things that only he could do, because he is spending time in doing things that others could do as well.
Text: Exodus 18:13-23 (Schocken Bible Translation: Note about the translation—When reading the passage to your family make sure you adapt it to the level that will be understood. Feel free to change the translation as you read.)
Now it was on the morrow: Moshe sat to judge the people, and the people stood before Moshe from daybreak until sunset. When Moshe’s father-in-law saw all that he had to do for the people, he said: What kind of matter is this that you do for the people—why do you sit alone, while the entire people stations itself around you from daybreak until sunset?
Moshe said to his father-in-law: When the people come to me to inquire of God, --when it has some legal matter, it comes to me—I judge between a man and his fellow and make known God’s laws and his instructions.
Then Moshe’s father-in-law said to him: Not good is this matter, as you do it! You will become worn out, yes, worn out, so you, so this people that are with you, for this matter is too heavy for you, you cannot do it alone.
So now hearken to my voice, I will advise you so that God may be-there with you: Be there, yourself, for the people in relation to God. You yourself should have the matters come to God; You should make clear to them the laws and instructions, you should make known to them the way to go, and the deeds that they should do; but you—you are to have the vision to select from all the people men of caliber; Holding God in awe, men of truth, hating gain, you should set them over them as chiefs of thousands, chiefs of hundreds, chiefs of fifties, and chiefs of tens, so that they may judge the people at all times.
So shall it be: every great matter they shall bring before you, but every small matter they shall judge by themselves. Make it light upon you and let them bear it with you. If you do thus in this matter when God commands you further, you will be able to stand, and also this people will come to its place in peace.
Discussion: Why did Moshe want to do everything himself? What is the benefit of having Moshe do everything himself? (People would get the best judge for all their cases. The decisions would be as right as humanly possible all the time.)
What are the disadvantages of Moshe doing all the judging? (Inconveniencing the people. Delaying justice. People would more often take the law into their own hands because they would not want to wait for Moshe. That is why "justice delayed is justice denied.")
What are the characteristics of the people that would help Moshe judge? Why are these necessary? (Discuss each of the characteristics mentioned above and why they are important for a judge to have.)
How would they know how to judge? (Moshe would teach them the laws and they would use their judgment know what was the right thing to do in any situation. That is why they had to be God-fearing people.)
What are the things in our family that we should delegate?
What about a football team? Can even a very talented player win the game by himself? Why not? How does a football team work? What jobs does the coach or quarterback delegate?
Further reading:
Stephen Covey in his _The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People_ (p. 171-179) distinguishes between two kinds of delegation. He calls them "Gofer Delegation" and Stewardship Delegation." Gofer Delegation is where the person is told "go for this," "do that" "do this" and "tell me when it’s done." Stewardship delegation is focused on results instead of methods. It gives people a choice of method and makes them responsible for the results. It takes more time in the beginning, but it’s time well invested. Stewardship delegation involves clear, up-front mutual understanding and commitment regarding expectations in five areas.
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